Saturday, May 16, 2009

Why "Jedi" Sucks

Let's face it.

"Return of the Jedi" sucks.

Now, if you please put down your pitch forks and torches, I would like to *remind* you as to why Jedi is still the worst of the original trilogy. The wool has been pulled over our eyes with the advent of the new trilogy, which sucks far beyond Jedi ever could, making it seem even relatively awesome in comparison. Yet, every time I see the 30-pounds-heavier Han Solo and a tribe of well-marketed Care Bears defeat the most powerful imperial army in the Galaxy, a part of my childhood dies.

Remember the super-climatic light saber fight between Vader and Luke? Yea, the one where Luke hides in a vent the whole time screaming about daddy issues. And the dramatic, "look at emperor, look at look, look at emperor, look at look" scene where Vader's change of heart happens? Reminds me more of tennis voyeurism, than a revelation.

But the worst part about Jedi is how solidly it cemented the franchise, leading to the eventual sucking forever in the Star Wars name.

If any of you remember the Ewok TV Show

how could we do anything but doubt the next attempt at episodes 1-3.

Which is why I applaud Steven Colbert's passive aggressive consumption of Ewoks.They are the precursors to Jar Jar Binx. Their whimsy was unnecessary, their fighting tactics were archaic, and really, the only shining light was when Chewy GTAs that AT-ST.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I know that what you were trying to say was that their only shining light was when the Ewoks helped Chewie hijack that AT-ST, but you might want to be careful. It sounds like you were saying Chewbacca was an Ewok, and not a Wookie. Even a simple mistake like that will make you lose any creditability when criticizing Star Wars.

  3. You are right, that is what I was trying to say, and to make up my credibility, with more credibility....the Ewoks originally were supposed to be wookies....

    but there were not enough tall people